Splotches and Blotches

July 2, 2011 11am

Im ready to get on the road with Karats for yet another fun "filler" expedition.
She happened to be in a wedding and needed a date, (we both step in for our male counterparts when needed)
I get to her house made up and excited while she keeps chanting, "Man I hate weddings"
She accepted the position to serve as a bridesmaid in a college friends ceremony.
AND THEN THE FUN BEGAN...

We have exactly 2 hours to be on our way and Karats needs to get her nails done.
Shes got so much to carry that I take the dress from her to lighten the load, carrying it out to the car we are parked so incredibly close to the garage that Im extra careful not to touch anything and the unexpected happens:

THE DRESS (bubble gum pink) slides off of the hanger and I then hold it still to ensure no damages are done, karats walks out: "Oh I have to move my car"
Simultaneously.

We put the dress in the car and once turned we find--the dirt from her car on the dress--Im sorry ALL OVER THE DRESS

we run to get wet towels and begin to scrub the dirt..to no avail.

Freaking out we decide, we'll have to just get there to take care of the problem, remember we're on a deadline...

*sigh*

Many seconds and worried curses later we realize that our parents raised us better, so we're a bit prepared--Karats tells me to open the glove compartment and see if there is atleast a tide pen to help us fight this stain..There is, I scramble for the dress and by this time we have arrived at the nailshop. Sitting waiting I ferociously dab rub and darn near scrub the dress while it lays unknowingly in my lap. Poor dress, has no idea in all its beauty that its dirty..and then I see the tide pen is rubbing that of a sour white consistency onto the fabric--and it smells like curdled milk!!!

so now not only is it dirty but it now stinks, like sour milk.
"How long have you had this?" I ask incredulously.

she shrugs, and continues to pretend that she doesnt care when shes shaking in her boots as much as I am.
I go to the cleaners next door, only to find that they are just a pick up site, and they refer me to "Prestige" Cleaners on Fond du lac ave

I take Karats car and race to the cleaners to find that they are not prestige at all, they are rude and careless, the man looks at me with absolutely no sympathy and turns me away, turns out "1 hour cleaning" is just a gimmick, they need atleast 2 and a half--losers

defeated I return and by now I see a very careful Karats emerging from the nail shop, she doesnt want to touch anything because shes already seemed to have to go back after messing up a nail. So we drive to Walgreens in hopes of a miracle..

At the checkout, some nasty old man looks me up and down and responds, "Uhm...Damn"

WHY DO I ALWAYS GET THE NASTY OLD MEN?

we leave and I feverishly rip open pens and begin to dab, by the by, the dress still smells like old frito feet.

"On the road again..."

we arrive what may seem to others early because the bridal party still hasnt showed up. After about 2 more hours of the families snubbing us because they dont know who we are, They want to start lining up, which at this point is only Karats because shes the only bridesmaid available.

The heat is sweltering underneath the tent...FINALLY the ceremony takes place,after finding out the bride was taken to the wrong place.. all you can see is a small stinky white spot on the dress but with movement its very hard to notice...Success!!

Failure! Karats invites me to a wedding and I dont have a place to sit OR any record that she was having a guest, so while everyone files in I have to sit on the side waiting for a place to be found for me. LOL that means no meal.

Thankfully I know the grooms family so they make a way for me to enter.

All in all, the night went okay, the Bride and Groom did this annoying pre pubescent "bounce" for every slow dance which made it seem like they were 2 grade schoolers at the Sadie Hawkins, because clearly the bride ran this show. LOL

And the DJ should never again tell anyone that he is from V100 because he was AWFUL.
But I'd like to note for the record that lil boys loves Karats and they ricochet off of my behind bumping into me trying to dance.

The food was not eaten and by the end of the night Karats and I were starving, but on the way home we were as peaceful as if the previous events had never taken place, we just laughed about it until we were red, like we always do and remember that only things like this happen, when we're together...LOL which is I guess what makes it so worth it.